Being my kind of woman
I wonder if looking at the world through the lenses of identity does more damage than good. Feminism has been in my bloodstream since LSR opened its arms to me. Interestingly, the institution threw myriad definitions of ‘feminism’ at me, and thankfully, also gave me the freedom to accept or discard in accordance with my sensibilities.
When I look back, two main themes stand out in stark contrast. The overarching definition concentrated on the “gender” part of gender equality; and the other, focused on the “equality” part of gender equality. While the former defined women as opposed to men, the latter looked at women as human beings who are already treated as an equal in society and whose only competition is with oneself. Though I found fervid protagonists on both sides of the theoretical playing ground, like many I believed that the complexity of human life made it indispensable for one to co-exist without another.
Assailed by these seemingly distinct arguments, how do I find my own peace? At the crux of it lies the belief that discrimination faced by a woman may not always be gender-based. But when it is, I think it’s important that it is recognized and that we don’t dilute that aspect of it.
Personally, I have my own brand of feminism. Yes, I wear wear tiny skirts and yes, I’ve definitely let boys know I’m vulnerable to them. But somehow, I maintain that I respect myself more than other girls who don’t have the courage to stand up for themselves. I may not be a Brinda Karat but I’m definitely not a damsel in distress meets dumb girl on tv.
The other day, my co-workers and I discussed marriage and work and the like. And I said that I’ll never marry someone until I have the money to run a household. I will never be dependent on a man for food or clothes or rent. I don’t want to be the bread-winner, but I want to be in a position to support myself and my kids if he decides to chuck me out one night. Not that I expect him to; but I don’t ever want to feel powerless.
So I’m not going to bash all the men who treat women wrong. I’m not going to extoll the virtues of good men I know. I’m not going to talk about the incredible women I’ve met who’ve shaped how I think and act. I’m not even going to promise I’ll start that NGO I’ve always wanted. But instead, I’ll reaffirm my stand on my life.
Men and women may come and go. They’ll all leave indelible marks on my life and my stories and will always be an important part of me. But that’s where they end. Because whatever you say, at the end of the day, it’s all about me and how I feel about myself. Not about how they make me feel about myself.
November 16th, 2007 at 9:36 am
I am impressed on your take on life as a woman in the modern world. I am a lot like Kanika myself- I love my independence: mental, physical and financial. Ever since I graduated from high school, I have been financially supporting myself (sometimes with a little help from my parents). Initially it was just this great feeling of not giving a ‘hisaab’ to anyone about my spending. But it also made me realize the value and power of money. But, it is not about money. It is the feeling of self-reliance that comes from not depending on anyone- it has made me a stronger and a disciplined person.
I have to confess that I never really gave this scenario, “why a woman needs to be independent”, a serious thought until I read “Rich Woman: A Book on Investing for Women - Because I Hate Being Told What to Do!” by Kim Kiyosaki. In essence it resonates Kanika’s thoughts.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Thanks molishree!