As peaceful as Ithaca is, we don’t even expect someone shouting loudly on the streets. I was walking towards the parking garage with a friend when we heard some noises as if someone was fighting, it was late in the night and the streets were deserted. As we approached the stairs two black girls came running down, to our relief they were kids, just running around, playing. We took the stairs to the second floor, as we walked towards the car we saw a black kid looking inside the car.’yeh car ke paas kya kar raha hai?’ (What is he doing next to the car?) my friend said as she gave me a concerned look. I gave her the same concerned look back ‘pata nahi’ (don’t know). He saw us ‘we were playing hide and seek’ as he ran down to join his friends. Car was alright, he didn’t scratch the paint, neither was he trying to steal anything - he was just playing hide and seek. I felt guilty - guilty of acting a racist, guilty of stereotyping a black kid, he was harmless.

He knew we were worried, we spoke a language that he didn’t understand yet he knew what we were talking, he had faced such questioning eyes before.

Had it been a white kid, would I have the same questioning eyes? Was it wrong of me to think that way? Is my guilt justified?

What you pick from the book shelf can reflect the state of your life! Well, not always but presently* in my case it does!

Why is it that you have to answer all these questions in life? Why is it so difficult to have a life without indecisions - life where you don’t have to grow up?

On my last 2 visits to India every person I met either asked me the same question or their eyes did the questioning for them. Being a 28 year old desi (Indian subcontinent ethnicity), born in a typical (sort of - if my extended family is counted) marwari family, with a steady job - you are posed with this question more often than you can imagine.

The big question -

‘WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?’

- humm .. well, when I feel like getting married, I will!

‘Everyone around you is getting married! All your friends are married or engaged, why wouldn’t you?’

Why wouldn’t I?

Makes me wonder - is it because I have a problem that I cannot decide? Or, is there something beyond that. Wasn’t life better when someone else took decisions for you!

While someone I know likes growing up, I don’t! I liked it more when all I to decide was between ‘5-star’ and ‘Perk’, not the question that I buy it or not!

‘Indecision’ by Benjamin Kunkel is the book, read it if the title is something you can relate - to get a kick of humor for the indecisions in life!

*presently - this post was drafted some time back when I was reading the book, situation has changed since then, but the questions are still the same!

Came across this snippet in BBC.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7068875.stm

“They wear pink saris and go after corrupt officials and boorish men with sticks and axes”

I have to say, the article made me smile and frown at the same time.
While it is heartening to see more women take control of their lives, there is fine line between justice and taking law into your own hands.
Will the Govt. take notice soon enough?

I had started writing this post with something totally different in mind, with the thought of sharing this article (Why are men happier than women?) and asking if you would rate yourself happy and why?

And how will these figures relate in India? Considering that most of the women in India are still in the 60s-70s of US, stay at home mom - keeping themselves busy with dusting and cooking food, having their expectations set low (either by choice or situation) and implying (according to this article) that they are happier than men.

But, more I thought about it, more questions popped, more things I could relate!

I wanted to find out the percentage of women in India that are housewives - surprisingly Google didn’t help much, but it did change how I was approaching this subject with reference to my home country!

Women being happier than men - can that even be a question for countries like India?

She starts her day early in the morning by cleaning the house, getting her kids ready for school (if they go to school), cooking the food, then she goes to the field in the afternoon, works the whole day in the scorching heat, comes back home - cooks food, feeds everyone, cleans dishes and by the time she is done wrapping the house its late in the middle of the night. Next day, same routine awaits her, day after day! She never gets paid a dime in her lifetime, or gets the respect she deserves at home after the whole day of killing herself. Looking from her perspective - definition of happiness just about changes! If asked the question, what will her answer be?

She gets married at 21, right out of college, goes in a family where she is treated well (not the conventional scenario usually talked about) - sits at home all day long, watches every sick soap-opera aired on TV channels, goes shopping in the evening with sister-in-law, enjoys all the riches in the world - Is she happy?

She went to the top school in the country, did whatever she wanted to do, has a six figure job, got married at the age she felt she wanted to. Leaves for work early in the morning, has her usual rift with her boss on some trivial issue, comes back home all tired, throws some ready to eat stuff in the microwave for dinner, goes to bed - wakes up and starts the routine again waiting for the weekend. Happy, or not?

Nothing very atypical about either of these situations, no fights, no burning of girl by her in-laws, no husband cheating on their loving wives!

Who seems happiest? Can we even judge someone’s happiness? I have been a person who has tried judging, mostly because the people involved were the ones I care for. On occasions I have talked with my father ‘they are happy where they are, their parents are happy for them, for them this is what life is all about, no point for you and me to think about it.’

I was at a friends housewarming party and this conversation started, (after I had written part of this post) one of the girls there said ‘their life must be miserable’ - she was referring to the second scenario, another girl pointed ‘they were not given a choice, and when they come across others not like themselves, they will realize what they missed out’. Sure enough, but what about the other cases - most certainly the first women will only come across women like her in her lifetime, getting water from the well and the business women, she had her way in life…